Tour report: France 2008
(More of a novel than a report – thanks to all for the hard work writing this! The editorial team have taken time off the day jobs to categorise and number the following tome – apologies if we’ve re-arranged some bits! Ed)

Contents:
1/ Introduction – Easter 2008
2/ Tour Life
3/ The Nine Institutions of Tour
4/ The Rugby
5/ The Seven Lessons of Life on Tour
6/ Summary
7/ Thanks

1/ Easter 2008

From departing on Thursday 20th March until the weary return to Billesley on Saturday 29th March, a brave group of players and adults journeyed to the South of France to represent Moseley RFC. The aim of the tour is to develop as rugby players and for all – players and parents – to have a good time. We managed both of those pretty well this year …

2/ Tour Life

2.1 Off in style
This year’s tourists set off in style from Billesley on a wet Thursday morning. Plenty of happiness in the air – it was after all the start of the Easter holidays for the kids, many having finished school that day. We were only 8 minutes late leaving the club, all seemed well. All the children were given red Moseley Sling Bags emblazoned with the Tour Logo, and full of all manner of goodies, sweets, puzzle books, pens, water, and even a spare gum shield each; so no excuses!! We even got a wonderful and beautiful brand new coach that was only a week old.

2.2 M25 & Ferry
But reality was to bite on the way to the Cote d’Azur. First, we had to spend time in London’s car park, or the M25 to give it a proper name, which meant we missed our ferry. Then, the crossing over the Channel proved to be one of the roughest in memory. I’m not altogether sure though that all of our tourists noticed either of these inconveniences, for reasons that had something to do with the medicinal cargo they had onboard and fortunately no tourists succumbed to the bout of sickness that overtook one French Sea France traveller, who spent the whole trip being ill into a bin in full view of everyone …then we drove through snow and ice across the Massif Central and into Lyon.

2.3 The Med
By breakfast time, the tourists were beginning to wonder if there were enough jumpers to keep everyone warm …but, as always, it all came right. Our coach drivers made up the lost time, the sun came out, and the Mediterranean, when it came into most welcome view, was its usual wonderful blue …

We know the Pachacaid campsite well by now. However, we had never been this early in the year. Easter 2008 was the earliest in the year since 1913, and it had already cost us the Grasse tournament, moved back to May for better weather. Now it threatened more personal attributes: the cold weather made the morning shower a trauma for most of us!

2.4 Warm Welcome
Later in the week, we ‘enjoyed’ being rocked to sleep in our caravans by the strongest winds we’ve had in the south of France … But the Pachacaid welcome was warm from all, led by our hosts, Nicola and Mark. Other warm welcomes were helped no doubt by the thoughts of the profits we were going to create for the bar … on the first night, the bar was closed before anywhere near the last of the tourists had left …definitely a bar team in need of greater training before the arrival of the Moseley tourists!

2.5 Catering
As always, we were divided into catering teams; unusually, we did not know who was in what team until we’d arrived. That somehow made it more exciting …which day for the chopping, convivial banter, the odd glass of beer/wine or twelve, the last minute dash to get the food ready? The catering teams this year were inevitably a bit thinner than in previous years given that we had fewer tourists with no under 13s this year, and this did put more pressure in particular onto the catering team leaders. But no disasters! In fact, we had very good food indeed.

2.6 Gastronomy
This year the emphasis was on simpler dishes in part given that we did have smaller catering teams, but that did not lead to less quality. In fact, when you consider that the implements for cooking are a couple of huge metal dishes and a randomly firing barbecue, it’s a miracle that we get anything decent at all! No, that is far too negative a view. Ask many a tourist about the food – pasta bolognaise, baked potatoes and fillings, chilli, chicken curry, often something different for the kids – and I think that the view was pretty uniform: if we’d got that food in a ‘gastro’ pub back home, we’d be very happy indeed.


3/ The Nine Institutions of Tour

The tour works because there are some very strong pillars that gives the event continuity from one year to the next, and creates a structure around which new tourists can easily find out how things work.

3.1 The organisers
Obviously one important institution is the work of the organisers. This year we had Mo Everill and Moira Boot doing the indescribably huge amount of work – often into the early hours of the morning back home before departing – that makes tour work. This year they had two particularly difficult issues to face: the early Easter and the knock on consequences (having to leave a day later than usual, the problems of when schools broke up, the moved Grasse tournament) and no under 13 group (meaning finances were much tighter, and that the workload had to be spread across a much smaller group).

One of the tour traditions is that the organisers never really get thanks in proportion to the amount of work that they put in, so let’s try to do a little to rebalance that here: thanks to Mo and Moira, without whom there would have been no tour this year, and without whom we would not have had such an amazing set of experiences in the south of France in 2008.

3.2 The Shirt
A second tour institution is the shirt: that special piece of material towards which the tourists look forward with great excitement. Each year, the style is different: a great idea, unless you happen to be the one with the duty of producing the design! This year’s shirt was a huge hit with players and supporters alike; a return to the Moseley red with an England shirt style feel to the swipe; and the tour logo in the middle. I think everyone agreed that Mo did a great job!

3.3 Communal Catering
A third tour institution is the communal catering. Of course there is an important element to this from a practical point of view; it keeps costs down, and makes touring a possibility for many, and therefore a practical proposition for all. But equally importantly, it’s a great way of getting to know other parents from other age groups that we would not usually meet at Billesley on a Sunday morning. Great and passionate friendships have been forged over the onions in years gone by… I think this year we just got on very well with each other!

Again, though, catering is one of those institutions that doesn’t ‘just happen’; people have to put hours of time of thought and energy into preparing the recipes, designing shopping lists, doing the shopping before we leave Billesley, overseeing the cooking while on camp, making sure everything is together again afterwards. We have to thank here Anne Tyler and Kim Giles, who put enormous amounts of work and thought into making sure that not only are we fed, but that we are fed really well, and that the whole catering experience is a good one.

3.4 The Rugby
The fourth institution has to be the rugby, which is brought together to such a high standard by the coaches. At under 11s, John Tyler, Wayne Warfield and Moira Boot did a great job not only in the training sessions and matches, but also in between, encouraging and explaining. Moira also had the really important role of covering the ‘pastoral issues’ for the players. At under 9, Chris Handy led from the front (which means we could hear him half a kilometre away!) with James Allan and Chris Payne encouraging, supporting and developing a very large group of kids. Thanks to all the coaches: not only are they obviously crucial to the tour, being a coach doesn’t mean that they are excused from the catering work!

3.5 Hardings
Fifth has to be Harding’s, the company that we use year in and year out to get us to and from France, and to all the various locations while we are there. And in particular, the drivers, and again, in particular, the institution that is Reg. Each year he puts himself forward for teasing by the collective tourists, every year he takes it in good heart, and every year he gives as good as he gets! We missed Ivo this year, another of the institutions of past tours, but with Reg and the other drivers, we get plenty of support and entertainment!

3.6 Gala Night
The sixth institution of Tour has to be Gala Night. This year we had an American Diner theme, which basically meant that the men dressed as Elvis and looked suitably ridiculous, while the women (and girls!) dressed very stylishly … American hotpot for the adults, hotdogs for the kids, rock and roll on the ‘juke box’ and everyone full. And then tour court, where those guilty of tour crimes (and of playing or buying a football) were punished with horrible sentences … surely the worst being that green drink that Chris Handy begged not to have to drink …

3.7 The Driver’s Breakfast
The seventh institution is: the driver’s breakfast. It’s not enough that our drivers have the pleasure of our company – they also have to cook breakfast for us one morning. Fried eggs and bacon, in a baguette sandwich, with beans. What could be better to clear the ‘fog’ of the night before?!

3.8 Moseley Time
The eighth institution has to be … Moseley time. On tour, time works differently to the rest of the world. Specify a time, and you can be sure that by that time at best only half the group will be there. This seemed to deeply surprise some of the newer drivers, but not Reg, he’s been there before! To really give a focus to the different reality of Moseley time, we returned this year to using a white board. Here the idea is that everyone knows what happens that day/ the next day because a schedule will be written there. But where is the fun in that? Knowing when and where things happen isn’t the point of Moseley time. Far better to turn that white board into a scoring board for sessions of ‘killer’ on the pool table … so obviously, that’s what we did.

3.9 Beer
The final institution of tour has to be: beer. Somehow it has become a duty of the Moseley tourists to spend one week drinking enough beer to support the European beer industry for the rest of the year. And each year, somehow, miraculously, this is achieved! To be fair, we don’t just support the European beer industry – though we are its major sponsors – but out of good European solidarity we manage great support to the French wine industry and even, this year, it seems to the Portuguese port industry. Our pro-Europeanness knows no bounds. Of course, in this major endeavour, there are a number of outstanding contributors – you know who you are … so do we! … – but above all this is a collective effort. One year we will see on those little bottles of beer the message ‘Sponsored by Moseley Rugby Tourists’ …

4/ The Rugby

The main part of the tour, of course, is the rugby, and after an excellent training session on the Saturday morning at the La Mole Municipal Ground, the competitive games for 2008 that came in two sessions: the tournament at Grimaud, and the matches at Draguignan.

4.1 The Grimaud Tournaments

Grimaud are wonderful hosts; but this year, even they could not do anything about what turned out to be quite amazing weather. Bitterly cold in the morning, as the sun shone the wind rose and rose until it felt something like a hurricane; or rather a sandstorm in the Sahara, as the wind whipped up the dust around the ground until it was head high.

Newcomers to Grimaud marvelled at lunchtime at the wonderful system by which you queue to buy a ticket before queuing to get your food and drink; and by the extraordinary presentation session, which involved a mass of people packed into a room with no space to move, an MC with no microphone, and complete chaos as to what was going on …but this is part of the charm of tour!

4.1.1 The Under 11s
The tournament was made up of 10 teams, which were divided into two leagues. The top five of the two leagues made up the top pool for the title, and the other five made up the plate competition. That first league of four matches comprised the morning’s action; the title/ plate competition took place in the afternoon.

Hyeres 3 Moseley 1
It’s a strange thing, kids’ rugby. Wonderful in training, the first match, against Hyeres, was a great disappointment. Well, it depends on what you are looking for. We did really well, apart from not tackling, not passing, and not giving any of our players in possession any support. Despite that, Hyeres tries were largely breakaway affairs, while ours was a strong individual effort by Dan Fitzmaurice. We lost 3-1, against what later was to prove one of the qualifiers for the afternoon. That poor performance received some, ahem, clinical assessment by John Tyler and Wayne Warfield, the coaches, which seemed to have some effect:

Grimaud 0 Moseley 6
The second match, against Grimaud II, saw a 6-0 victory for Moseley, trys by Daniel Warfield (2), Katie Boot (2), Adam Boot and Dan Fitz again. We overwhelmed them; lots of aggression and desire to win, right in their faces at all times – as Karen Barnett put it, ‘they never even got close to our line!’

From the half way mark, one win, one loss, we hoped to push on, but that push didn’t materialise.

Grasse 2 Moseley 1
First we lost to Grasse. It was in some ways an unlucky defeat, the teams were very evenly matched, but we fell two behind, largely because Grasse had one outstanding player, their Number 19. He scored two, and was to score for much of the afternoon (but more of him later …). We battled, and Chris Rock pulled a great try back. But there was not enough time, and we lost 2-1.

Cannes 3 Moseley 0
The last game, against Cannes I, saw us playing against the best team of the group. They put us under great pressure; great defence on our line saw Adam keeping the ball up and preventing the try; they came at us again, and again they were stopped; but from the restart, we weren’t watching the ball, and we were 1-0 down. We kept losing the ball in mauls, and went 2 down. Although we had lots of possession, we didn’t have lots of passing. And then we were 3 down; the final score, losing 3-0.

This meant that we had finished 4th in the morning group, which was a little disappointment in relation to the quality of the training that the squad had put together. But the afternoon was to show the real quality of the players (and the skill of the coaches!).

Grimaud 0 Moseley 5
The first game, against Grimaud II, saw Michael Gizauskas scoring; then Fitzy. After more pressure, Michael went over again, and then Ashley Giles; and then Sam Croft scored the fifth, with three Grimaud players holding on unsuccessfully. Moseley just overpowered them. Played one, won one.

Fayence 1 Moseley 3
The next game was Fayence, and they looked quite useful. They scored the quickest try of the day: we kicked off, they caught it, and ran through unchallenged to score. A feeling of deflation came over the watching parents …were we still mentally at (the two hour!) lunch? Fortunately not: Adam wriggled through to level. Fayence came back and would have gone ahead, had Kain Aldred Barnett not managed to hold the ball up on our line. Kain was the star defender – he later stopped one of the ‘larger’ players like the lad had hit a brick wall.

Back on the defence, Adam somehow managed to rip the ball away, and nipped through to put us ahead. As they put us under more pressure, Fitzy engineered a great break; although he was stopped on the line, the ball came back and wide to Ashley, who finished it off with a try on the last play of the game; a 3-1 win.

………….Played two, won two.

Grasse 0 Moseley 4
Next, our old adversaries, Grasse. But the even match of the morning was to be replaced by one way traffic, started by Kain who intercepted the ball to run half the length of the pitch and put us 1-0 ahead. Dan Warfield then used his strength to push over: 2-0. Dan Tyler’s kicking kept us moving, and his hammer tackling stopped the opponents.

At this point, the Grasse Number 19, who had been scoring hat-tricks all day, decided to demand the ball, but he hadn’t reckoned on the brick wall that was Kain: a very powerful tackle saved the try on the line, and you sensed that Grasse were beaten. Daniel Warfield stormed through to score his second try of the game, and then Kain hit through again for his second, and a final score of 4-0 to Moseley.

Played three, won three – a win in the last match, against Cannes II, would give us the Plate title. And it was never in doubt.

Cannes 1 Moseley 4 – Moseley win the Plate!
Fitzy, Kain, Ashley (running half the length of the pitch), and finally Jeavon Purewal (an inspired substitution, going over within 5 seconds of being brought on!) all scored, to one consolation try for them, a 4-1 win: and Plate victory!


A tremendous day’s play, with the team improving greatly over the course of the day.

The final performance was played 8, won five, lost three; 24 trys scored, 11 conceded.

And a very nice trophy to take home!

All the coaches – John, Wayne, and Moira – did a fantastic job training the team, motivating, encouraging, supporting. Of course not everyone can play all the time, and when someone didn’t get into a team, they took time to explain to the player why, and when, they would play next. None of them wanted to pick out any player for special mention; all had done so well, no-one could have asked for more.

In addition, it was perhaps the toughest tackling team that Moseley has ever sent to France at under 11 level; certainly on a few occasions, too tough tackling for the French teams, and even sometimes for the referee!

4.1.2 The Under 9s
The Under 9‘s had got into the full swing of tour during the sports day. Now for the real thing, the boys were full of confidence, if a little subdued after a few late nights, but the fates had not been kind and the draw pitted them against the hosts first up.

Grimaud 3 Moseley 0
Grimaud were immediately into the game and with great subtlety followed the old adage “give it to the big un and let him run”. Within seconds of the start their big un had scored and the boys were looking a bit shell shocked at the speed of things. In spite of the increasingly vociferous urgings of the coaching staff, the boys were unable to raise their game. In spite of some fierce tackling by Basil Crack, there were further tries for the big un.

The final surprise came as Grimaud chipped the ball into space behind our defensive line, to the astonishment of the Moseley faithful who assumed that this was illegal. Final score 3-0.

The coaches went into a huddle and decided a change of tactic was required. The spectators held their breath. What piece of Machiavellian cunning would they come up with? Why, of course! A big un of our own! Like Achilles summoned from his tent to fight on the plain of Troy, Ed Pracy could be seen striding across from the under 11s to join his team.

La Garde – Moseley walk over win!
Perhaps La Garde had had some eve of battle premonition and they failed to turn up. The change of tactics had had an immediate result. What brilliance by the coaches!

Feyance 3 Moseley 1
Now that the tactical pattern had been set for the tournament, we were to face the pre tournament favourites Feyance. This proved to be a bruising, no holds barred contest. Basil Crack and Ed Pracy managed some bullocking runs and big hits, Will Handy started to get his hand-off working, Alex Gissen, Osian Payne and Pablo Allen all got into the game.

Unfortunately, the referee was to be our downfall, Osian Payne had 2 tries disallowed, the first when we were 1-0 down, for over running the dead ball line and the second for having a Cueto like foot in touch. Taking advantage of such bias, Feyance went into a 3-0 lead. Alex Gissen produced a try saving tackle to take their flyer in to touch and Ed Pracy was pushed in to touch just short of the line by their big un. In a rousing finale, big hits from Basil Crack and Ed Pracy created turn over ball for Alex Gissen to sprint to the line. Final score 3-1.

Lunch!
A long and windy lunch break followed, allowing the boys to refuel and regroup. There then followed a pate-inspired post prandial performance of gargantuan proportions.

Grimaud 1 Moseley 5:
Grimaud 3 proved to be the unfortunate minnows of the group and Moseley were in no mood to give them an inch. From the start Ed Pracy drove into the heart of the opposition before offloading to Osian Payne, the ball returned to Ed P who was forced in to touch in goal. From the restart, the ball was turned over and Will Handy set up a maul which was driven over the line but held up.

From the next restart, Mose forced another turnover; Ed P picked up and drove for the line (1-0). This was the prelude to an onslaught. Will handy set up a maul from which Alex Gissen peeled off for a 15m dash for the line (2-0); Osian Payne won turnover ball and set off on a mazy run culminating in a touch down (3-0); Ed P ripped the ball from a maul close to Mos’ line and fed Will Handy who sprinted the length of the field to score (4-0). An identical move followed (5-0), before an unfortunate defensive lapse close to the line allowed Grimaud a consolation try (5-1).

Will Handy then scored straight from the restart with one of his, by now, trademark sprints, liberally sprinkled with throat threatening hand offs (6-1). Will Handy’s hat trick score put the seal on a glorious return to winning ways in a performance that allowed the confidence to flood back. Final score (6-1)

Cannes 1 Moseley 4
Next up were Cannes 1, a very different proposition, they had several big uns of their own and a very physical style of play. However, flushed with the success of their last match, Mose set to.

Following a charge by Basil Crack the ball came back to Pablo Allen who scored, following a jinking run to the line (1-0); Basil Crack then invited a high tackle and from the restart Ed Pracy and Corry Payne exchanged passes to put Ed in at the corner (2-0). The game became very tight and tactical, but there was ample entertainment provided by the Head coach haranguing the referee for not penalising Cannes for pushing rather than tackling (“Monsieur, ce n’est pas le Rugby!” greeted by a Gallic shrug of indifference and “Pah! Les Anglais!”).

A crunching tackle by Ed Pray resulted in a Cannes substitution, which was followed by a Cannes score (2-1). Further tries from Osian Payne (3-1) and Ollie Perry (4-1), completed a convincing victory against strong opposition. Final score 4-1.

The pool games were over, with Moseley Champions of L’apres-midi.

The final placings were yet to be decided. Unfortunately, Dan Everill had been injured in the first match, and coupled with the effects of the tour tummy bug, had retired from the morning’s games, and so the crowd were unable to appreciate his fluid style and exquisite lines of running. He returned though, for the afternoon session and managed to produce a few tasty tackles and some good evasive running.

Throughout the afternoon the coaches had been able to introduce fresh legs, at crucial moments, by the clever use of substitutes. This allowed significant contributions from some of the younger players including Charles Fraser, Rajan Purewal, Elliot Perry, James Handy, Matthew Gissen and Corry Payne, all of whom showed great maturity and punched well above their weight.

Once the books had been cooked and the points rounded up and down, Mose were awarded the chance to secure fifth place overall via 2 games against teams from the other pool.

Meounes 2 Moseley 4
From the start Mose had Meounes on the back foot, Osian Payne created space for Ed Pracy who offloaded to Ollie Perry, who went on a characteristic scything run to the line (1-0). Ollie then had a further try disallowed for no obvious reason and Osian was held up over the line, before Ed Pracy one the ball on the ground and fed Alex Gissen who went on an arching run to the corner (2-0). Stout defence close to the line was spoilt, when Meounes were allowed to roll off a maul and touch down over the line (2-1). Ollie Perry scored again with a curving run after recovering the ball in broken play (3-1), before Alex Gissen and Ed Pracy combined to send Osian Payne over (4-1). Meounes managed a further score (4-2), but Mose were not to be denied. Final score 4-2.

Baden Württemberg 0 Moseley 6
The atmosphere for the last game would not have been out of place in Wembley, Twickenham, The Arms Park or Parc des Princes. The opposition were to be German. Led by the formidable Brunhilde (“You should see her mother”) and her Rottweilers, Baden Württemberg had been very impressive in their previous games. Mose gave no quarter; this was to be the crowning achievement of the day.

This was by far the most aggressive and accomplished performance of the day. The Rottweilers fled with their tails between their legs (“Kaiser Bill, Helmut Kohl, Franz Beckenbauer, Boris Becker – your boys {and Rhine maiden} took one hell of a beating”).

Will Handy to Basil Crack, a twinkle toed run down the line, reminiscent of Gerald Davies at his best, 1-0 to Moseley. Fearsome defence resulted in turn over ball and a try for Ed Pracy (2-0). From deep in his own half Ollie Perry picked up the ball and ran the length of the field to score (3-0).

A further period of huge defensive hits resulted in turnover ball and a further try for Ollie Perry (4-0). A mazy run to the line by Alex Gissen (5-0) was followed by sustained ferocious exchanges close to the German line which resulted in stalemate. There was time for a hat trick try from Ollie Perry (6-0), which again set the seal on a magnificent performance. Final score 6-0.

The party retired to the bar to contemplate what might have been, had the team managed to acclimatise to the French game earlier in the day. Feyance were the overall winners, but must surely have counted themselves lucky to have come up against Mose before they had the bit between their teeth.


4.2 The Matches at Draguignan

We had a whole series of matches in the wonderful stadium in Draguignan against the hosts – and remarkably emerged undefeated!

Draguignan 2 Moseley 2
First up were two matches for the ‘debutants’ – mostly under 8s and under 7s. The first match was very closely fought, two tries by Mathew Gissen being matched by two Draguignan scores for a 2-2 half time scoreline. The Moseley team were very impressive, this being the first time that this group had played together; the second half was scoreless, leading to a 2-2 result, but we had been (rightly) disallowed a try that might on another day have won it for us.

Draguignan 3 Moseley 5
In the return match, the Moseley team were awesome: there is simply no other word for it. Charles Fraser hit three amazingly powerful tackles; Elliot pulled a much larger kid down twice; Rajan Purewal dug the ball out of mauls, or from dropped balls and just ran straight for the line. Mathew scored four times, but the tries were often made by team mates, by Corry Payne’s driving and Charles then held the ball up for the try of the game; flicked to Mathew as he ran through for his fifth, and for a Moseley win, by 5 to 3.

Draguignan 3 Moseley 8
The third game saw a more regular under 9 team take the field, and in a try-fest, win by 8 to 3. Ollie Perry with three, Dan Everill, Alexander Gissen, Pablo Allan, Will Handy and Osian Payne all scored, but what was most impressive was the way that the team played as a team, for each other with plenty of support and covering.

This was turning out to be a good day for Moseley: played three, won two, drawn one – next up, the under 11s. Well, sort of under 11 – Jack Everill and Elliot Giles played, and made an enormous difference!

Draguignan 0 Moseley 3
In the fourth game we overwhelmed them, though only by 3-0, two for Elliot (one from a great Fitzy interception) and one from Jack, which he scored directly from their kick off.

Draguignan 0 Moseley 3
The next game produced the same 3-0 victory: Jack and Elliot scoring, plus one from Kain.

Draguignan 1 Moseley 5
Game six saw Moseley starting slowly and going behind, but Dan Warfield pulled several opposition players over the line to equalise, and then Ashley scored to put us ahead. One of the moments of the tour came next: Katie beat two players and outstripped the rest to score on her last tour. Ashley and Kain wrapped up the scoring, a 5-1 victory; in truth, they were lucky to get one, as it was a pretty controversial score. The final game was much tighter; Elliot put us ahead, but they came back to equalise; Jack made it 2-1, but again they came back to equalise.

We won, thanks to another moment of the tour: Elliot beat three or four players, ran to the line and, instead of scoring himself, flipped the ball to Fitzy for the winner.

So our record at Draguignan: played 7, won 6, drawn 1, lost 0: scored 29; conceded 11.

The day was wrapped up for both the under 9s and under 11s by some mixed matches, with the Moseley and Draguignan players enjoying playing with and against each other.


5/ The Seven Lessons of Life on Tour

Over all, one of the great things about tour is that it teaches or confirms some of life’s most basic lessons … and so it seemed a good idea to re-emphasise the ‘truths’ of the 2008 Tour, perhaps for the benefit of the 2009 tourists …

5.1. Never, ever, get caught short on the coach…

It wasn’t a great journey from Billesley to Dover; a crash on the M25 meant that we got caught in 21 miles of stationary traffic, took over five hours to make the journey, and missed our ferry. But there was an important lesson to learn: use the ‘facilities’ outside the coach whenever possible. Those of us in the shiny brand new £300,000 coach felt very superior as we whizzed down the motorways …but even a new coach has limits: and with ours, the limit was … the capacity of a toilet to take the ‘volume’.

It filled. And filled. And then started to spill. And then it spilled a lot …. Not the most delightful aroma … Some of those with weaker bladders/ those who spent the night drinking decided at 4 am to water the roadside as we stopped to change drivers … we nearly left one behind … the main lesson for the newly created coach marshals: make sure everyone is ‘empty’ before they board the coach …

5.2. Don’t trust men with shopping

Saturday morning. Catering Team A. We couldn’t go wrong. All we had to do was to follow the shopping list, which was mostly specific: 40 baguettes; 60 slices of cheese, that sort of thing. But the trouble was, our list was ‘mostly’ specific; so when it said ‘pate – three types’, we didn’t know how much a ‘type’ was. Yes, now there are plenty of smart alecs, who can say exactly how much pate an average person can eat, but not at the time; and yes, people say what were you thinking, or what kind of thinking did you use? But this is all after the fact.

At that moment, in the French supermarket, buying three terrines of pate at 180 Euros seemed perfectly natural… Now I know what we all blamed David Fitzmaurice … but maybe there were other guilty parties …but who could say that the pate was anything other than delicious? (Other than people like Karen who just don’t like the stuff …)

5.3. There are always two sides to the story

Sunday morning; a beautiful bright day, and we are all at the La Mole municipal dump … I mean the municipal sports ground, but who takes away all the grass and churns up the stones, and encourages thistles to grow on a sports pitch? But what better moment for an adults versus children game of touch rugby?

One after another, the adults were picked upon by the ruthless referee for a ten minute sin bin for ridiculous ‘infringements’ (head high tackles, nonsense like that) … which of course allowed said adults to obtain a little light refreshment from a can or one of those nice small bottles. Anyway, despite terrible fouls – poor Wayne Warfield being brutally brought down by Kain, who somehow managed to get underneath Wayne’s feet – to the joy of the many spectators, the adults ran out winners by 10 tries to 9 …

Or: the adults vs kids touch rugby, Easter Sunday – apparently won by 9 points to 8 by the adults. However, due to the amount of indiscriminate cheating by parents – forward passes and suspect refereeing decisions – the ‘result was forwarded to the Cote d’Azur Governing Body (ie the Tour Organisers) for review’. Result: match awarded to the kids (thanks Mo!)

5.4. You don’t miss the soaps on tour

Tour is great; but there are some things that we miss from home, but even without a TV one of those things doesn’t have to be a fix of the soaps. OK, you can’t get East Enders or Corrie, but you do get regular editions of that special series: ‘The Drivers’. Starring Reg, everyone’s favourite, the peacemaker, the jovial happy, positive thinking one. And his co-stars, the companion drivers, who played all the other roles, sometimes talking to each other, sometimes about each other; sometimes one was in, sometimes another was out; some moaning about Moseley time; some grumbling about how so-and-so hadn’t cleaned his coach properly.

All human life personified by four people, playing out the drama in front of us morning, noon and night … far more often than even East Enders is on …

5.5. Don’t get in the way of the Moseley tour bus!

The Cote d’Azur; Easter Sunday, wonderful sunny weather. Who could be anything other than relaxed and calm and mellow on such a beautiful and (for some) Holy Day. Well, local residents I’m afraid. The French seemed to think that it was outrageous that a British coach should be on their roads. As we drove back on the narrow road from La Mole (did I mention that the adults beat the kids there at touch rugby?) French drivers couldn’t believe that they would have to find their reverse gear.

One after another, they made a huge meal of getting their vehicles out of the way; and as we passed, they allowed us to witness their bad temper and spicy language. However, all the French were outdone by the German: having moved out of the way for the coach, he then decided to move forward intimidatingly as we went passed … an odd game of chicken really for a car driver, given the difference in size between a coach and a car …

5.6. Don’t plan to get dinner on the table when your other half is near a bar...

The hospitality at Grimaud knows no bounds … well, the bar stays open for a long time … So after the Grimaud tournament, one coach took the catering team back to the campsite to prepare a delicious chilli. The other coach waited to take the rest back for dinner. Yes, I know now we can see that the plan was fatally flawed. ‘You put the dinner on darling, I’ll be home in a bit’ ….

The Grimaud bar was not just fun: it was a place of work. Addresses were exchanged. French teams invited to the Moseley festival. Moseley invited to more French festivals, or at least, to play more fixtures on the 2009 tour. An emotional exchange of gifts – well shirts – with a public ‘dressing’ of the Grimaud shirt by one of our nameless (for the sake of discretion and later bribery) female leaders … It was important stuff. The future of Tour depended on it!!! And the meal could be kept warm, couldn’t it?

Well, no, actually, not for nearly two hours it couldn’t … the poor catering team who’d missed out on the Grimaud diplomacy, who had slogged for hours, then had to throw most of the food away, uneaten. Heartbreaking, unless you were one of those rolling off the coach, with a night’s successful diplomacy behind you, and only the challenge of remembering where the caravan was ahead of you …

5.7. Lesson learnt
So: the lesson is, when they say ‘I’ll be home soon’ … don’t you believe it!

6/ Summary
So there it is: Easter Tour 2008, done and dusted, medals awarded, hangovers relieved, the whole thing now committed to the history books. But it won’t be long until its time for Easter Tour 2009!...

7/ Thanks
Mo and Moira would like to thank Stuart Croft and Paul Pracy for these fantastic Tour Reports. It’s good to know there were at least two people sufficiently coherent, to be able to tell the rest of us what was going on!

Also, there were many many people who helped us make this tour so special, whether it was taking on the role of coach marshal, egg hunt organiser, white board scribe, (well, we tried), shopping trips or the morning after washing up!
Thanks to Janet Preece and Pat Millar, our emergency contacts back home, and to everyone who helped in whatever way, big or small.

And our special thanks to Sam Allan, Katie Boot, and Alice Handy our three ‘impromptu’ Gala Night assistants, whose help was greatly appreciated and who all looked ‘soooo cool’ in their rock’n’roll gear – ‘Heyy’ !!

Look forward to seeing you all on next year’s Tour – (Applications for Tour Organiser 2009 now being accepted)!!

Until then, Vive La Tour !
Mo and Moira